Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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