I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think my tv is drunk
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
