So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
