I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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