True but thats because hes a fetus.
This girl is more easily done than said...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
