I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
