2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
