Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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