He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
