i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
