why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
