is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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