And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
