i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
