I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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