So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
