How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
try to milk me bitch
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