it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
