her vagine was all disorganized.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
