I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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