But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
