apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
