Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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