Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
