she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
