Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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