happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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