it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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