Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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