Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
