Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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