she was so not down for the gang bang
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
