My friends, they love my intelligence
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You smell like stripper and shame
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
