Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
