i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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