the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
