There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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