I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
