since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
