she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We're too hungover to prance.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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