walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
