Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
