I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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