im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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