i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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