Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
