I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
