a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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