i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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