You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
