Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
