so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
